I Assumed a New Role in the Last Two Months and Now I’m Confused
28th June was on a Friday, and typical me treats Friday as a bonus day at work. I would usually spend the day lazying around, surfing the internet, visiting colleagues at their desk for chit-chat or literally getting lost on tiktok. But this day was different.
At around 10am, my manager at work — whom I have once referenced in my article called me. I was not expecting much since I barely interact with him. He asked if I could head a unit and I casually replied ‘Yes, with some guidance.’ He then briefed me about my new role, responsibilities and the expected work ethics. It had a mixed feeling at that moment. While I was subtly elated for the challenge, I was also surprised but scared he found me worthy. I then returned to my desk and immediately began researching.
I spent the month of July brainstorming strategies, plans, structures and what have you. I wanted to do it right. I wanted to feel proud of myself. This was a personal thing for me.
Something my interns did also warmed my heart. They were at my desk with their usual requests when my line manager walked in and asked why they were bothering me and how they’ve been faring. They replied that I deserved a 200% raise because they were in awe of me. They appreciated everything I had taught them and were genuinely happy. That made me laugh, but it also reassured me that I was making a positive impact.
Then came August, with so much higi haga. It started with the protests that forced us to work from home which I didn’t mind, to overwhelming me with work pressure and the pressure to make more money. If you live in Nigeria right now, you understand exactly what I mean. If you work a 9–5 job, then i’m quite certain we share the same reality. What is the way out? I kept searching.
A heavy realization hit on me. My Skills are subpar. I cried when I recognized this. I felt useless. Desperate to earn from side gigs, I stumbled upon several passive income websites like Clickworker, Amazon Mechanical Turk, Oneforma, DScode, Outlier, and more. But after signing up, I realized that tasks taking nearly 20 minutes paid less than a dollar. I knew I was worth more than that. There was no way I was going to waste my time and intellect for mere cents. These payments are only low for Nigerians; other countries get paid better.
But that is by the way. The desperate need to upskill became clear to me, and I have placed my self on a four-months learning plan from September to December. I really hope it pays off. I just want to vent and let my pain out. It sucks to feel this way — useless, unskilled, and broke. Help!!
Regardless of everything, I’m still optimistic because I have Allah, and I pray He blesses me with the consistency I need.
Love as always,
Benazir.
