How Three Months can Transform your Life
The past quarter flew by! It certainly helped that I was busy, especially compared to how sluggish I started the year. Looking back on my initial hesitations, it’s remarkable how fully engaged I have become.
April proved to be an emotional rollercoaster, starting with the joy of Ramadan and Eid, but punctuated by moments of inexplicable sadness. Part of it stemmed from wanting to be further along in life, given my degree of knowledge and competence. However, I reminded myself that I am precisely where Allah intends me to be, and my journey is unique. This mindset has helped me persevere in faith, knowing that Allah has the best plans for my journey, even if they diverge from those of my peers.
May came with multiple credit alerts from unexpected people. I said to myself ‘This is the life I want to live!’. But where was this money when I needed to gift my sister for her birthday in June? I realized how quickly money can disappear! It became clear to me why hard-earned money tends to last longer than unexpected windfalls. Lmaooo!
That wasn’t just it with May; as It was also marked by profound loss. The deaths of several young individuals, including a close friend, shook me deeply. It underscored the fragility of life, especially in Nigeria’s current climate of insecurity. This feeling of helplessness was a stark reminder that we often live our lives without considering the inevitability of death, believing we are invincible in our youth.
In Nigeria, the threat of death can come from anywhere — at home, outside, at work, from illness, bandits, or kidnappers. The only refuge is to return to Allah. This realization led me to make a conscious decision to seek more Khushu in my prayers. The teaching of “pray as if you’re seeing Him, and even if you’re not seeing Him, He is seeing you” resonates with me now more than ever.
I also reflect on how I behave around figures of authority like bosses and uncles — of course, I stay on my best behavior. The answer is clear: DO MORE for Allah. You will never be at a loss if you seek HIS mercy above everyone else.
Lately, I found myself doing all the things that used to make me anxious; taking on leadership roles, speaking confidently to my principals, making extensive public presentations, maintaining eye contact, engaging in more small talk with colleagues, reaching out to relatives, happily mentoring my interns, and most surprisingly, participating in both physical and virtual interviews. These interviews have significantly boosted my confidence, proving that you can be introverted and still exude confidence. The Panelists of my physical interview boosted my self esteem exponentially, appraising that I exude intelligence, confidence, storytelling skills, and a strong grasp of my craft. We had a genuinely engaging conversation without any awkwardness. A standout moment was when they challenged me to explain cloud computing in 10 seconds — and your girl nailed it!
June also brought significant anxiety about death, security, and financial stability. Everyday felt like it could be my last, or that I might lose someone dear to me, as news of deaths, both young and old, seemed constant. Amidst this, we joyfully celebrated Eid. I was so happy that i shared warmth through reconnecting with uncles and relatives who responded warmly. Zumunci da dadi, but sadly, the world of today overstimulates us to the extent we barely water such familial bonds.
Additionally, I took on the mentorship of four interns — an unsettling task at first, but one I have grown to accept and even enjoy. Benazir is truly growing. The responsibility of conducting diligent research and teaching others is fulfilling, because teaching deepens knowledge, and I love knowing. I have also realized that I love lecturing — though not in a traditional Nigerian public university setting!
Whew!
As I wrap up these reflections, I pray for you: May you find strength and faith through your trials, just as I have. On the other side of anxiety and uncertainty, may you discover your true path and embrace the unique journey that Allah has set for you. May you find fulfillment in growth and joy in reconnecting with loved ones, and may your efforts always be blessed.
Love as always,
Benazir.
