10 THINGS THAT OCCUPY MY THOUGHTS MOST OF THE TIME

Hey guys. I haven’t spoken to you in a while, I’ve been so occupied. I missed writing.

Anyway, this article contains 10 things I think about most of the time. My thoughts might be similar to yours, so let’s relate in the comment section!

1. I think about how to have a source of happiness that does not depend on a human being. If you’ve read my previous article on the pursuit of happiness, you would understand my take on how happiness is always temporary, and how we lean on people to be our source of joy. I always think about doing things that make me happy, which has nothing to do with another person because humans are temporary, hence unreliable.

2. Dating/relationships: Anytime I think about this, I regret everytime I have ever dated in my life and how I want to date only after marriage, or when I’m certain we are both ready. I hate having to think of the myth ‘right person, wrong timing’. Dating for so long is absolutely unnecessary mentally and islamically, especially when you don’t end up together. My general conclusion is that you see these guys, stay away from them till you’re ready. It may not make sense now, but you will appreciate it in the future.

3. I think about the many times I have desperately wanted something only to have it blow up in my face or subtly redirected to something better, which had taught me not to passionately want something such that I have no option asides it and to accept Allah’s will as the ultimate need.

4. I think about how unemployment is such a horrible thing. You feel useless, the boredom and depression hits hard, and you may even start avoiding your friends because you feel you are not in the same societal level which makes you insecure. I don’t wish that upon anyone.

5. I think about life in the barzakh. What could my dad be doing right now, how are my prayers reaching unto him, what he thinks about me, if he is proud of me, how my own life in the barzakh will be, etc. It is a whole plethora of thought.

6. I like to be self-aware. I love to know when I’m wrong or not, biased or not, kind or not, rational or not, bored or sad. I ask myself questions like; do I know who I am? When I look at life and talk about mine, do I feel proud? Do I hold back some of my potentials because I’m scared and unsure? Do I judge people harsher that I would want to be judged? Am I considerate of people’s emotions and situations? Am I where I want to be in life or where I am supposed to be? Am I leaving a mark, or scared to make a mark? Can people see through me? Am I predictable? Am I trying to improve in my religious activities? Do I give off a bad impression of myself? Do I inherit people’s enemies or expect them to inherit mine?

7. I’m such a lover girl. I love love. Even though my sister says I do odeshi with my emotions like a hard girl, lol. Most times I think about how to love people in their love languages. Personally I want to be loved using all the five languages but everyone has an order of priority. My order may not be the same as another person; hence it is not about me. I believe it’s fair to understand people and their preference, in order to love people how they would want to be loved. I think about that a lot as well.

8. I think about how all the things prohibited in islam turn out to be actually beneficial to us, rather than imposed. Immodesty, alcohol, not lowering gaze, not cutting nails, false accusation, backbiting, riyaa and so many other things. These are things that cause the most fitna in the world of today, which if avoided would make the world a better place

9. Marriage: When will I get married? To whom will I be married? How will I meet the person? Have I met the person already? What type of family will I marry into? Am I ready to get married? Etc.

10. Death: When will I die? How will I die? Where will I die? Where would I be buried? Who would be there? Who would I leave behind? Who would pray for me? Etc.

Which is why I keep saying I am more of a deep thinker than an overthinker. What do you think about most of the time? Let’s discuss!

Love as always,

Benazir.